Class will out

Forget all the talk about Ronaldo, Rooney, Kaka, Messi and the like. Does any of them have a Player of the Decade award?
I thought not.


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Up

The new Pixar movie Up, which I haven't yet seen, apparently features the adventures of a grumpy old man and a young boy. In movies there's the concept of a composite character - one that combines the personalities of multiple characters. It struck me that in Chiswick Casuals terms it would be fairly obvious who the old man was a composite of (for legal reasons, answers on a postcard only please).

Anyway, I digress. Up has been the key word of the last week or so. Things are definitely looking up at work - I enjoyed last week more than any for a long time, and the arrival of Claire, my new Digital Marketing Manager, is a vital step towards a full strength team. We have a team night out on Thursday (bowling & curry) which should be a laugh.

Last week I met up with Ian and Soapy for beers, margaritas and Mexican food at La Perla, which is becoming a favourite haunt for me when I'm in Covent Garden.

The weekend was about preparing for our new kitchen to be fitted - first ever wooden worktop for me and I may have gone a bit mad with the linseed oil... I got a good game of footie in without injuring anything, which is a bonus, and Rangers went back to the top of the league with a win at St Johnstone while Celtic could only draw. Good times.

A walk in Hampstead Heath yesterday, followed by a roast dinner, finished the weekend off nicely.

Meanwhile, as I write I'm listening to our latest release 'The Chilled House Session' - gorgeous and ever so reasonably priced at ministryofsound.com.

Weekend treats

I've been a bit remiss with my updates lately, for reasons I've covered previously. So, a quick catch-up ...

Last Sunday saw the first Chiswick Casuals barbecue. The boys gave me my barbecue for my birthday last year so it was my way of saying thanks. The weather was fine and we had a good turnout - all in all a great afternoon. The menu featured a chicken dish I learned at my Indian cookery course last year, sausages from the Farmers' Market, sweetcorn, vegetable kebabs, home made guacamole and coleslaw and a few other bits - it all seemed to go down well.

Wenge I and spent this weekend with the Arch, Debs, Marc and Margaret at Arch & Debs' holiday cottage in Orford, a couple of hours up the A12 in Suffolk. It was a welcome break (tm) from London, in beautiful surroundings, with great weather and of course great company. From our arrival on Saturday morning just in time for a hearty breakfast, to leaving on Sunday afternoon, it was a peaceful and relaxing time for all. In between we had a very enjoyable walk in glorious sunshine, including a ferry (rowing boat) trip and a pub stop; another walk through the village to the quay, and a meal at a nearby pub/restaurant. The only sour note of the weekend was our host's failure to bring a clean shirt for dinner which, frankly, let the side down. No matter, it was one less thing to crumple when he fell asleep in front of Match of the Day on our return.

So, another part of Britain that I now know, having never set foot in Suffolk previously. It moved the dream of a place away from it all closer in my mind... tomorrow would be nice.

Day 3 - damage assessment

One by one we woke. Mugs of tea and hobnobs were handed round as the damage assessment began. To no-one's surprise, the Black Rat had taken the greatest toll on Nigel and Soapy.

While Nigel was doing an impression of Ian without the tablecloth, Soapy had clearly found succour in the arms of Brian, the pair sharing a blow-up bed like a modern day Morecambe and Wise. Actually, it was more John Inman and Michael Barrymore (should have checked Pete's swimming pool before we left...).

Ablutions duly dealt with, we headed off to our favoured service station on the M4 for a final breakfast before saying our final goodbyes. Even the closure of Northwood tube station couldn't dampen the spirits, as captain fantastic made an unplanned and selfless 45 minute detour to take Soapy and me to South Ruislip.

In the annals of Casuals history this will go down as one of the special tours. And last night was without doubt one of the most memorable of all Casuals nights.

As for Pete and his beaten Welsh team? Well, they just can't help believing...

Day 2 - Football comes home and Elvis has left the building

We woke up around 8.30 after a good sleep; wandered into town for breakfast at Annette's and to buy supplies of sports drinks. Then it was back to Pete's house, where we sat in the sun until Graham, Brian, John, Klaus and Nigel arrived.

The warm-up sporting event was the South Africa v Lions 2nd test which, agonisingly, the Lions lost with the last kick of the ball. Gouging is bad by the way, except in the right circumstances.

Then, the big game. Pete's team was ready and waiting when we arrived at the sports hall. It was clearly a younger, fitter team, assembled with one purpose - to win the trophy back for Wales.

It was a quiet and focused Casuals dressing room, some players geeing up their comrades while others prepared within their own private zones. But we were ready.

The home team started brightly, with the Casuals struggling to impose their style of play and Aber looking the most likely to score first. And score they did. Powering from the back, Greg cut inside and lashed an unstoppable shot into the top corner. Aber continued to dominate for most of the first half, with some excellent interplay from defence causing problems for the Casuals midfield. The defence, however, held fast.

Then, with barely two minutes to go, Graham spotted a Melv v Woolley mismatch and played a measured ball over the top. Simpson duly delivered a clinical finish to take the game to half time all square.

With the sun beating down mercilessly, the Casuals regrouped at half time and came out determined to impose their own style of play. The second half was more evenly matched, but still it was Aber who drew first blood. Graham, who had been faultless, had a Petr Cech moment and spilled a corner to Elliot, who couldn't believe his luck as he slid the ball home for a 2-1 lead.

The Casuals pressed for an equaliser, and it came in the shape of an Alan Dovey strike that would grace any game. Collecting the ball with his back to goal, Alan spun and hit a beauty that goalkeeper Mark Tovey could only admire. 2-2. There were half chances at either end, but no more goals by the time referee Nigel brought the game to an end.

Then it was all down to penalties - the ultimate test of nerve. Woolley set the trend with a poor attempt, easily saved by Graham. Melvin, Ian and Brian all missed, as did all but one of the home team. So at 4-5 Alan had to score to keep Casuals' hopes alive. Score he did, taking the contest into sudden death.

A brilliant save from Graham, truly earning the Petr Cech mantle, saw the hopes and dreams of three nations rest upon Captain Courageous, Simon Jobling. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Jobbo calmly slotted the ball into the bottom corner to send one half of Abergavenny into raptures while the other half looked for a scapegoat.

Football came home.

After the match, and a detour to the local cricket club, both teams enjoyed Sharon's legendary hospitality and a few beers at Chateau Woolley, where we accepted the trophy from a clearly shaken Peter.

There followed a trip to the Kings Arms that developed into an epic Karaoke session led by - who else - The Welsh Mouth (TM).

Unbelievably, Elvis Presley happened to be in the bar and he treated us to an impromptu greatest hits performance, culminating in a moving performance of 'In the Ghetto'. Even more unbelievably, he was later joined by a second Elvis for 'Return to Sender', although if truth be told it was probably one classic too far.

There was one other, special moment, that none of us who were there will ever forget. Elvis left the building, but was brought back by popular demand for one last song: a mesmerising 'I Just Can't Help Believing'. Even more special, he then morphed into Meatloaf for an inspired 'Two out of Three Ain't Bad'.

One of the all-time Casuals nights came to an end and, unable to get into Abergavenny's only nightclub, we retired to Pete's for a nightcap, and for a hard core few, a final hot tub session, under a crescent moon and a starlit sky...

Chiswick Casuals on tour. Day 1 - arrival

Forget the FA Cup or Champions League finals. The big event in the football calendar is the annual Chiswick Casuals trip down to Abergavenny to take on the Valleys' finest.   This is the story of this year's tour...

With the sun beating down and the M4 ahead of us, it was an optimistic Jobbo, Soapy and me who spearheaded this year's advance party on Friday afternoon. A couple of ibuprofen tablets for the road, a 'Music for Middle Aged Men' playlist courtesy of Jobbo, and off we set. An 80's A&R man's dream, that boy - a random selection included AHA, Simple Minds, Phil Collins, Anastacia... you get the picture.  

Sadly, when his iPod ran out of power his adaptor wouldn't fit mine, so we had to rely on Radio 2, which incidentally is about 20 years more up to date that Jobbo, for the rest of the journey.
Predictably, if a little stereotypically, it started raining as soon as we crossed the Severn bridge, but thankfully the rain didn't last long and the sun was soon out again.

When we arrived in Abergavenny, we went straight to Pete's house, where Alan and Ian had already arrived. There began an unseemly rush for the comfortable bedding, which left us all relatively happy with our lot.

We walked into town for beers, and Soapy made an early bid for one-liner of the tour.  While enjoying a hotdog at the pub, I had a little ketchup around my mouth.  Soapy: "Bloody hell, Melv. You look like you've just given a blowjob to some roadkill."

After a short stop in another bar we we went for a curry, and were in the restaurant when Pete arrived.  We all finished up and moved on to Wetherspoons.

Now one of the themes of the weekend - perhaps inspired by this very blog - was positivity. Soapy in particular is prone to morphing into Victor Meldrew very easily.  We tried to put a fine system in place but to be honest it didn't work.  By the time we reached Wetherspoons who had run out of ice for Soapy's gin and tonic, he had reverted to type: "That's the problem with the world - it's all gone to shit".

Back to Pete's for some hot tub action followed by the blissful sleep of the righteous.

Internet World 2009

I spent the day at Internet World, at Earls Court, hoping to learn a bit more about ecommerce best practices and also gen up on online marketing.

On my way there I was given two salutary reminders of the real world, the one that's still running in parallel with the digital world I inhabit for much of my time. Coming off the tube I saw my first evidence of the swine flu scare - two women in business suits sporting face masks. Ten minutes later, sitting in a café across from Earls Court, there was live coverage on BBC of a memorial ceremony for troops killed in Iraq - one by one platoon leaders would stand at a lectern and read the names of those who died fighting for us - very moving and of course just the thing to set me up for a day here.

They're all the same, these exhibitions. A mixture of clever companies trying to get noticed; desperate salesmen trying to drag anyone they can onto their stands; market leaders using their huge stands to brag to their industry; promotional girls and over-priced food.
First off, I realised that I had a practical need for a notebook, so I feigned interest in an email marketing solution - for the cost of five minutes of my time I gained a couple of brochures to bin and a handy notebook for the day.

My strategy was to concentrate on the seminars and keynote presentations. I always think that I'll learn at least one thing that makes the day worthwhile - I just don't know what it is and where I'll learn it. And so it turned out.

The first seminar, 'Innovate or die; lessons from 10 years of the internet, was pretty dull - the CEO of Cheapflights throwing a few facts and opinions around. Nothing I didn't know. The next one, on website usability, was far more useful. No rocket science, but a valuable round-up of some best practice in search and browse, product pages, basket and checkout. Some of it is available at www.webcredible.co.uk/ecommerce2008.

I treated myself to a shoulder and head massage before walking the floor for a bit, and then forking out the best part of a fiver for a sandwich. After lunch, a keynote by Justin Moodie, head of online at HMV, on multi-channel retailing. Really interesting, this one. He spoke about HMV's strategy of Messaging, Measurement and Improvement - aimed at achieving measurable improvements for a reason, not change for change's sake. And having demonstrated some of the testing they've done, the biggest shock for me was that they use the free Google Optimizer rather than an expensive tool to manage all of this activity.

I queued to get into a Chartered Institute of Marketing seminar on SEO. Fast, furious and a good top level overview of how search is evolving from keywords and links to more sophisticated measures of trust and user experience. Ten minutes later I was back in the same hall listening to the same speaker talk about SEM, and it hadn't got any cooler. The same format - an overview of things to consider when formulating and executing an ecommerce strategy.

Finally, I managed to talk to one of the developers at webjam about some bugs I'd found when setting up a webjam site for the Chiswick Casuals. Always thinking of my friends.

So was it worth the day out? The exhibition itself had very little to commend it but yes, I did find some nuggets that I'll take with me - enough to make it worthwhile. It's a draining way to spend a day though - right now I could do with a stiff drink...

Casuals forever!

Wednesday night saw the inaugural session of the Chiswick Casuals Cinema Club, aka some of the Saturday 5-a-side boys going to see films that our wives won't want to see with us (no, not that type of film - we saw The Damned United).

I haven't written very much about Chiswick Casuals on this blog, but playing 5-a-side in Chiswick every Saturday is a huge part of my life, and I think it's the same for most of us. The Casuals started over 25 years ago, and a surprising number of the original members are still playing - I played my first game in 1982 or 1983.

It started off as a chance for a game of footie each weekend, and reached a new level when we went to Boulogne for our first tour in 1999, which set the benchmark for all future trips. Anyway, the millenium tour* was the first of many; the Casuals have since graced Amsterdam, Edinburgh, Tavistock, Ibiza (twice), Cornwall and Limerick (twice) with our presence.

Then there's Abergavenny; home of the biggest mouth in Wales outside of Charlotte Church. The almost annual trip down to the town of 'Mountains, Markets and More' (I'd love to have been a fly on the wall at that pitch) is something that we all look forward to and always enjoy thanks to the wonderful hospitality of Pete and his friends - well most of them anyway. I do remember receiving a particularly warm welcome (ie a good kicking) from Sean in our first game there.

Anyway, the point is that the Casuals is now much more than a weekly game of footie. It's now a group of close friends that are able to rely on football to keep us together. But as we get older, the injuries happen more often, and take longer to get over when they do. As I write this I'm sitting with ice packs on my thigh and calf from yesterday's game. And although it's difficult to contemplate, there will be a day - many years from now - when we might not play.

So the non-football activities are becoming more important.

There are annual awards dinners of course. There have been a few games of golf. We've managed a couple of ski trips. And we do just meet socially from time to time. But I think the cinema club is the way to go - on Wednesday we talked about other things we could do including wine tasting and walking - I'm sure someone mentioned flower arranging but maybe I misheard. Why not a political society? I'm sure most of us would rally around a 'Parker for Parliament' campaign. Or a zonal marking masterclass hosted by Barry Stanton.

The point is - like traditional media, advertising and the music industries - The Casuals have to evolve to survive. I'm more confident of our survival than theirs, but that's another story.

*PS: They say what happens on tour stays on tour, and of course it should, but the words 'Soapy' and 'Judas' will forever be interchangeable...

Old friends

Last night I met with Helzo and Simon, my two partners in crime when we used to be in the corporate communications and event production business. We eventually set up Fingerprint Productions in 1997, operating from a series of offices 'borrowed' from a range of clients who all went out of business, ending up in a fantastic office with a rooftop terrace in Great Titchfield Street. That one was ours.

It was a quieter night than the last time we met, at The Sanderson Hotel with Justin and Kelvin from Illusion Factor. That one was a bit of an epic and probably best forgotten (the bits I can remember that is). My zavvi chums will remember me turning up at around 11.30 the next day with the mother of all hangovers. By the way; thanks, Steve, for pressing ahead with our weekly catch-up meeting at the end of the day... Incidentally, when I did manage to get out of bed on the Friday morning and turned on my phone, I received a message timed at 09.00 from Simon saying "Nearly home now".

Anyway as we enjoyed some very tasty if grumpily served Wagamama-style food at Satsuma, talk inevitably turned to shared memories, and of course the best ones (in retrospect) are where things were going wrong. There were a few of those times - not that our clients would know about most of them. Think of the swan analogy.

My favourite was the Virgin Our Price show where we had Darth Vader arriving onto the stage with sound effects and a cloud of dry ice to deliver the new Star Wars DVD boxset to Doug Morton.

During rehearsals, Simon came up to me and said "We could have a problem with Darth. I don't think he's going to be able to see well enough to do the handover. "How do you know, Simon", I asked, to which he calmly replied "I thought I should do a test, so I put a chair down, asked him to come over; and he tripped over it."

It might seem that Simon is bearing the brunt of those exchanges and maybe Helzo was just a consumate professional throughout. Professional, yes, but Helzo had more japes than an Enid Blyton character. It would take a separate blog to cover these.

I'm off to Aosta tomorrow for a long weekend skiiing, with Chiswick Casuals mates Andy, Graham, Pete, Mark and Alan - who lives there. Should be fun and I promise I won't go on about it when I get back. In any case, there will only be time to get home and switch on the TV for Rangers v Celtic in the CIS Cup Final on Sunday.

Finally, the eagle-eyed among you will have noticed that this is the 100th post since I started writing melvtopia all those months ago - a milestone indeed.